Counting down the days
by the-hinotori
Summary: Anzu reflects on the price of dreams. Can someone really have it all, or is there a price to be paid?


_Disclaimer - The song used in this fiction is the sole property of Natalie Imbruglia. The title 'counting down the days' is also her property, I'm just borrowing it. I do not own any of the Yu-gi- oh characters._

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_**You were right.  
And I don't want to be here if you're gonna be there.  
Was that supposed to happen?  
I'll hold tight.  
I'll remember to smile.  
Though it has been a while.  
And without you does it matter?**_

_**There's no room.  
No place to start.  
When our souls are apart.**_

Walking sultrily about the room she let her finger drag lazily along the skirt of the piano, the music permeating deep within her, stirring memories of her life back home. Gently she flexed her neck muscles with a continual sweeping circular motion, letting the tension roll from her body, or as much as the memories would let it anyway. The tips of her fingers traced the soft wetness of her lips yet another memory stirring the heat within her, dragging forth a sharp breath and involuntary closing of her eyes. She licked her lips replenishing the moist coating that slowly dried with the torch of her burnished body. Still the music resonated pulling her swaying figure to its beat. She was known for her dancing, but equally she was a songstress and this was his song. She had written it not long after arriving in Tokyo to study with the academy, a small flutter of bitter laughter escaped her as she thought on his parting words.

"_The dance that they teach you Anzu is nothing to the dance that we have written. You'll go, but you'll always wish you were here."_

Damn him and is bloody-minded arrogance.

**_I want to travel through time.  
See your surprise.  
I'd hold you so tight.  
I'm counting down the days tonight.  
I just want to be a million miles away from here.  
I'm counting down the days.  
_**

She had often thought on what it would be like if she just suddenly appeared when all expected her to be where she was now. Would they be pleasantly surprised, shocked, demand to know what she was thinking? After all she had spent the better part of her life telling them that dance was all-important, nothing would come before it. Not even him. She pursed her lips and let her brow pucker, not in anger but anguish. How blinkered she had been, but none of them stopped her narrow mindedness, in fact they supported her as friends and lovers do. They encouraged her to seek out what path made her happy and now supposedly she had found it, but inside there was only hollowness where her soul once dwelt. And as always her thoughts would turn once more to him and his goodbye.

_"It's not my place to stop you, I don't have the right. Just as you have no right to stand in my path to success, go Anzu it's what you want. Isn't it?"_

He had given her the opportunity to change her mind, but it was hidden behind the greater bravado of seek your fame and fortune, and she in her confused state had missed it. Taking note only of his 'you must go' message.

_**  
How've you been?  
It's just the usual here.  
And days are feeling like years.  
And every day's without you.  
Now I cry just a little too much when I think of your touch  
And everything about you.**_

Of course she rang them, letting them know how wonderful life there was, how much she loved and missed them all, but always she would end by saying how much more she had to look forward to. The promises of meeting soon had been rescheduled more times than she could count now. Always a rehearsal or performance to attend, and now with her completion so close there were promotions so that she did not dwindle into the sea with so many ingénues who had come before her. And still they pushed her forward, stroking the ego, which had taken her from them. In her darker moments she fancied they were glad to be free of her, it was at these times she would recall the harsher words he'd uttered. The derogatory manner in which he had referred to her demeaning all that she believed to be right.

_"You're nothing but a cheerleader, who cannot make her own place in the world, so you bask in the glory of others. You're not a friend you're a leech."_

In these dark moments it would take considerable effort to retrain her mind and force it to remember that these words belonged to a time of great mistrust and pain. They were not the words of a lover, whose mere breath on her skin left her weak with desire.

**_I feel cold.  
I'm in the dark.  
When our souls are apart._**

**_I want to travel through time.  
See your surprise.  
I'd hold you so tight.  
I'm counting down the days tonight.  
I just want to be a million miles away from here._**

Running an elegant hand through her chestnut tresses, she closed her eyes and tried to stem the fall of tears, which threatened at the rims of her sapphire blue orbs. All awareness to her surroundings now gone, her only thought was of them, home, HIM! She didn't note the insistent clap of Madame bringing them to heel with sharp precise instructions for future rehearsals. She didn't hear the titters and sympathetic sighs as Madame practically hissed her name, demanding her attention. It was not unusual; in fact it was becoming a more regular occurrence with each practice. Always it would escalate to the point of Madame shrieking and Anzu offering a meek apology and the promise it would not happen again. And as always her promise would be met with the familiar rolling of the eyes, an audible Tsk and the offer of seeking more gainful employment. Yet none of these incidences ever reached the ears of those at home. She would always keep her tone light, disposition sunny and outline of the future bright. None of them knew how homesick she was, she was a go getter, a high achiever who make it no matter the odds. At present the odds were greatly stacked against her, even with his words of encouragement ringing within.

_"If someone wants something bad enough Anzu they'll go to any lengths to achieve it, even you."_

Did those lengths include losing herself, her friends and what she loved most? Yes she spoke to them all on the phone, and they did profess to understand all those rescheduled visits, but she couldn't help feel the rift that was pulling her world apart, perhaps Madame was right, she needed to reassess her goals.

_**I want to travel through time.  
See your surprise.  
I'd hold you so tight.  
I'm counting down the days tonight.  
I just want to be a million miles away from here.  
I'm counting down the days.**_

_**I'm counting down the days.  
I'm counting down the days.  
I'm gonna be you surprise.  
I'm gonna hold you so tight.**_

_**Yeah!**_

With the shrill voice of Madame still etched upon her drums, Anzu shouldered her bag and wandered aimlessly down the corridor from the studio. Coming to an abrupt halt, the person behind collided painfully with her back, eliciting an angered cry from the unsuspecting classmate. Anzu uttered a hurried sorry and ran for her room, once safely inside she closed the door and allowed her body to collapse against it's solid weight, slipping slowly to the floor. With it the hot tears ran fast, and body racked with her sobs. Her breath shuddered as she regained some semblance of control over her emotions, only to lose it once more as his words returned to haunt her. The memories were proving too much this day, those simple words of encouragement had also been a sharp edged knife, not that he had known. No that was her own dirty little secret and one she determined not to tell him, but the guilt she felt was slowly corroding her resolve. Only the thought of his unleashed anger held her tongue at bay, but in truth how much more could his words hurt her compared to the manner in which guilt stripped her mind and emotions. Another pain she kept well disguised, but sadly one that would never go away, not even she had a dozen children. Yes people would do anything to achieve what they wanted.

Reaching into her bag she pulled out the crumpled invitation, if it could be called that. Moreover it was a letter, which told her where she had to be, when she had to be there, and what to wear. She sighed in defeat. This proposed function was the same night as her final assessment, had they chosen the date deliberately to spite her. Had they communicated in some way with Madame and that was why she was more insistent that Anzu decide once and for all. It would make perfect sense. Or had she unwittingly told them herself and they now offered her an avenue of escape. She thought some more on the dance she had learned with Seto, it was the oldest dance in time, but unless you melded with the right person the chance of bruised toes and falls were imminent throughout. Had he ever stepped on her toes, or she on his? She looked once more at the crumpled paper and dropped her head back against the door, letting the lids of her eyes droop to her cheeks. A choice needed making, but the outcome was unknown yet, even to her.

_**I want to travel through time.  
See your surprise.  
I'd hold you so tight.  
I'm counting down the days tonight.  
I just want to be a million miles away from here.**_

Ending her performance with a Bourree and small curtsy Anzu came forward for the assessors final verdict. She had danced three separate numbers, all of which they would have marked and from those scores would have derived a comparative mark. She remained in position, her eyes on them but not seeing them. She had thought to be one of the first to perform and as such she would have been on her way home to the function. But fate had not been kind and now she had missed yet another gathering with loved ones for the sake of her dream. Receiving her final mark she curtsied once more and left the stage, she had been informed it was customary for all dancers to gather in celebration at the end of the ordeal. To celebrate what though? Isolation! As she shifted through the crowd she was stopped for the customary hugs of congratulations. She couldn't prevent the small bitter snort which received puzzled looks from those who heard it. She had made it, the world was her oyster, why did she not feel the jubilation of such an achievement? She wrapped her arms about her waist and pushed through the throng of dancers, not heeding the confused whispers she left in her wake. She had made it to the top in spite of Madame's warnings and her own indecision, yet she could help taste the sourness which slid smoothly over her tongue and carried its way throughout the rest of her being. She thought on the fun they would all be having now at the Kaiba mansion, an engagement party, an important time for friends to get together and show their support. As was so frequent these days the tears gushed forth blinding and choking her as she tried in vain to be free of the place she had wanted so desperately to be as a little girl. Air was increasingly difficult to come by as her choking sobs lapsed into hyperventilation, people tried to stop her wanting to help, only to have her flailing hands slap them away in panicked fashion. The overwhelming desire to faint gripped her body and mind and soon she succumbed to its reasoned argument.

As she opened her eyes, the blurred sea of faces threatened to overwhelm her again, panic increased the beating of her heart, while her disoriented mind tried to recall where she was. It seemed as though a thousand voices were speaking to her at once, fuelling the dull throb that accompanied her waking. She tried to sort the voices, a few here and there calling familiarity, but most fell away unknown. She let her eyes close to help clear the blurriness and ease the tight pain within her head, only to have them fly wide as she felt herself lifted from the floor. Her heart stopped at the sight of who held her, and her body relaxed letting it be carried away.

Settling back into the cushions she felt a blanket cover her and she opened tired eyes to smile at the giver of such a welcome gift. A small smile, full of understanding was offered in return. Her eyes burned a question, which her lips could not speak, but they had no need for he knew implicitly what it was she wanted. Such knowledge was his gift, and as such he answered the unasked question.

"Your husband said its time to come home Kaiba, Anzu."

And with that simple statement the driver closed the door, leaving Anzu to muse quietly on his words. A tired chuckle, but this time there was no bitterness or sadness within its tinkling, only the emotion she had so wontedly craved. Happiness. Oh she may have missed Mokuba's engagement and any number of other functions it was her duty as wife to attend, and she would never expect them to forgive her, because she had yet to forgive herself, but this so typically controlled act of his told her two things. He knew her. He loved her. And damn him he was always right.

"_You'll go, but you'll always wish you were here."_

_**I want to travel through time.  
See your surprise.  
I'd hold you so tight.  
I'm counting down the days tonight.  
I just want to be a million miles away from here.  
A million miles away from here.**_

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_a/n - hope you all enjoyed this one. :)**  
**_


End file.
